I’ve written about a lot of dark and heavy things here. As I have, certain light things.
This blog started as a blog about marketing and copywriting, and getting clients. As you move on, your priorities change. Work isn’t interesting any more. You ask bigger questions – like what matters? Or what do I want to do with my life? What’s enjoyable?
Then you start to unravel. You start to see beyond various illusions and institutions. You deal with emotions that you’ve had to repress for survival. You start to confront your biggest fears and worries. You have a good cry and a laugh and let it all out.
Then it’s OK. You begin to accept yourself more and more. And lots of good things can come in.
These problems were particularly acute for me because:
- I am a wierdo that didn’t really fit in with other kids or adults at school
- I am sensitive, I feel a lot and many situations can be overwhelming.
- I can see through people and things to their real motives. If it doesn’t feel authentic, I won’t listen to a word they say and don’t like them.
- Not being able to talk about the above with anybody
- … which leads to self-doubt, self-attack, frustration and anger
- I can get very lonely but I’d rather be alone than with people I distrust
- I can connect the dots together between things – solve high level problems and get to the nub of the issue.
- But because I don’t feel safe and have little to gain from challenging people or speaking up – I often say nothing.
- Which makes me feel a bit frustrated and useless again.
Anyway this is all very self-indulgent. What I’m trying to say is I feel lots deeply and see through things. I think many things through.
That makes other people uncomfortable with me. And me uncomfortable with them. I’ve been extremely harsh on myself to try and adapt. But that doesn’t work.
The end result is: you feel what you feel, you think what you think, you see what you see. You can’t be anything more or less than that.
You might need to be tactful. Or lie sometimes if it’s convenient or you need to.
But once you listen to yourself and feelings – accept them kindly, and as valid, you accept yourself.
You’re OK. You respect yourself, look after yourself and give yourself what you really need.
There was a copywriting client yesterday who accepted my proposal. Then they read through my website. And cancelled the next day, with a short message saying I wasn’t a fit for their brand.
Well their brand can go fuck themselves! I don’t care enough about them or their brand to fight for the project or even respond.
That is all for now. Let’s party like the teletubbies.