This is possibly the best job description in the world.
Top London PR agency, Just In Time PR, is recruiting.
We’re looking for a ‘Senior Account Manager’, whatever the hell that is.
So if you’d like to work for a company run by a fat bloke with a drink problem and a moral compass that only ever points south, you can apply here today.
Well, not all of you.
If you have principles and take offence easily, then this role categorically won’t be for you.
Guardian readers, teetotallers and anyone who believes in the afterlife almost certainly won’t fit in.
Not that we’d give them the time of day anyway.
OK, so here we go. Your chances of landing the job will rise with each box below that you tick.
My perfect CV
You’ll be on anti-depressants, and probably will have been for a number of years. People who need drugs to keep them going are generally the most interesting.
You couldn’t care less about global warming. In fact, if a meteorite the size of Mexico slammed into our planet tomorrow, you’d rejoice.
You’ve got panache. Frankly, I couldn’t care less if you have a first class degree from Cambridge or a Grade 4 CSE in pottery: a bit of swagger and a disturbed sense of humour are all we’re looking for. In 30 years’ time I’ll be as dead as the stars so I need to get my laughs in now.
You’ll have an alcohol problem.
How amazing is that?
So down to earth and so very British.
It gets rid of all the barriers and formality and replaces it with honesty.
Can you be more like that? More honest and human with yourself and your business.
Because at the end of the day, what have you got to lose?